Stepping Out

In my last post, I talked about the importance of making space in my life for creative pursuits. Then I spent all weekend being sick with a 101 degree fever. Not quite what I had in mind, but I wound up using the time in bed to check out some tutorials over at Kim Klassen’s place. I treated myself to her Beyond Layers experience, a year full of inspiration, tools, tutorials, and community – and I spent some time browsing through the posts that are already stacking up over there. It was amazing to see so much talent in one place.

So I went through some old shots from our 2009 Hawaii vacation and picked one that was pretty uninspiring. I took it on Nick’s birthday from the patio at the Outrigger Canoe Club (and what a lovely lunch THAT was!) but the glare from the water made it impossible for me, as a novice photographer, to get a good shot. Here’s the original:

Not so great, right? But after working through some of Kim’s tutorials, and reading through some of what other folks were doing as part of the Beyond Layers workshops, here’s what I came up with:

Fun! What I love most of all is that I was able to salvage a photo that represented a really special day. Thanks, Kim! Looking forward to doing more of this.

Fearless

Three weeks into the year, and I have my word for 2012. It’s “fearless” – and although I felt led to it early in the process, the deeper idea turned out to be very different than what I was expecting. In fact, when I shared it with my staff at work, one of them said to me (a little incredulously), “I’ve never thought of you as particularly fearful!”

While it is certainly true that I don’t generally walk around acting fearful, I am usually very focused on managing to particular outcomes, or at least preparing myself for every possible outcome so I’m not surprised, or disappointed, or painted into a corner. I don’t just have a Plan B; I usually have a Plan ZZ and everything in between. I tell myself that this is just me being practical, and a planner, and even a “strategic thinker” and to a certain degree, those things are true. But when this behavior applies to every decision in my life – and even some decisions I am not remotely close to having to make – it can be paralyzing. At the very least, it robs me of joy. It’s exhausting to spend so much energy managing every step and every moment.

And it’s rooted in fear.

Last year, I walked through a process of letting God teach me patience, which was my word for 2011. The thing is that when you ask for patience, you’re generally given lots and lots to be patient about, and that was certainly the case for me. It was hard, and there were times I railed against what I was walking through, but in the end, it was all worth it – God brought me face to face with places in my spirit that really needed to be cleaned out, scrubbed and restored, and while that’s not a process I can say is complete, people who know me well have commented on the difference a year makes.

Fearless is going to be a bigger deal, because it’s going to involve changing the way I think and process things, which is fundamentally part of who I have been. That doesn’t mean that it’s part of what God created me to be, so I’m spending time trying to rediscover and cultivate those aspects of myself that are God-breathed. It’s going to be a journey, and will probably take me longer than a year, but it’s going to be a journey worth taking.

One of the things I’m packing for the trip is extra time for creative pursuits. In the four years I’ve been making jewelry, I’ve learned that intense concentration and creative freedom are essential for me. The time I spend in that place is meditative and creates a kind of mental stillness that leaves me refreshed and energized. I suspect that part of retraining myself to think differently is going to involve spending more time there, so I am resolving this year to make that time a priority and be unapologetic about pursuing it.

The other thing I’m trying to pack for the trip is a commitment to obedience – and I’m having a problem folding it up and fitting it in. If I really believe that God has a plan for me that is better than anything I can imagine for myself, I have to stop overthinking everything and just step out when I know he’s calling me to something. Obedience is a tough one, and will probably be the hardest thing I tackle this year.

So here we go… 2012 will be about pursuing God, embracing the creative, and being fearless. I’m looking forward to what comes next.

Chowder Recipe

I was asked for the recipe for the chowder I made last night – it’s very, very simple, and makes a lot of chowder, which can be frozen. I didn’t take pictures as I went along, so I can’t post this in true “food blog” style, but you can use your imagination!

Ingredients:

• 2 boxes of Swanson low sodium Chicken Stock (about 6 cups)
• 2 cups dry sherry
• 1 lb thick cut bacon, cut into small strips
• 2 large onions, roughly diced
• 3 – 4 large unpeeled baking potatoes, scrubbed clean, cut into 1″-2″ cubes
• 1 large head of celery, cleaned and sliced (leaves and heart included
• 3 cups of frozen corn (no sauce or butter, please!)
• 3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
• 2 tablespoons of dried turmeric
• 3 tablespoons dried celery seed
• 4 whole bay leaves
• 1 tablespoon garlic powder
• 2 cups whole milk, half and half, or heavy cream
• salt and pepper to taste
• Shredded sharp cheddar cheese for garnish (optional)

In a heavy stock pot (I use a cast iron ceramic soup pot that I got on eBay – but any heavy-bottomed pot will do), saute the bacon over medium heat until all the fat renders. Remove the bacon with a slotted spoon and set aside.

Spoon out about half the bacon fat and discard. Add the olive oil and the onions to the hot pot and saute, being sure to scrape up all the yummy brown bits on the bottom of the pan, until the onions are fragrant and just soft, but not completely translucent. They should still have texture and a little “crunch.”

Slowly add the chicken broth and sherry, stirring as you go. Add the bacon, potatoes, corn, and celery, and all the spices except salt and pepper. Bring the mixture to a boil then reduce heat to very low and cover. The soup will simmer at a low temperature as long as you keep it covered – and this will keep the veggies from getting mushy while the potatoes cook.

When the potatoes are fork tender (about 45 minutes), add the cream. (If you’re watching calories, you can use milk instead, but it changes the flavor and texture of the soup considerably. And besides, there’s bacon and bacon fat in this recipe already – so go ahead and use the good stuff!) Bring it to just below a boil, then add salt and pepper to taste. Ladle into big bowls and top with shredded cheddar cheese (optional). Serve with a fresh salad and crusty bread for dipping.

Sweet, yummy chowder with a fresh green salad - perfect winter fare!

Starting over

Well… happy new year! I know this sounds like a cliche, but I really and truly cannot believe the year flew by so quickly. And I also can’t believe it’s been so long since I posted anything substantive – the hacking set me back, for sure, but since I am in full-time ministry, the Christmas season is also one of the two busiest times of the year for me. Add to that my husband’s surgery (minor, thankfully) and I was grateful to just have some time to breathe last week!

I’ve also spent a little bit of time – not enough, but some – praying over what my “word” should be for 2012. I did this for the first time in 2011 on the advice of a friend, and the process affected me deeply. In January, together with some good friends, I spent some time in prayer seeking God’s guidance about what aspect of a godly character he wanted me to pursue in 2011. In addition to one word that defined that characteristic, I asked for scripture to guide me and a song to inspire me. The scripture I kept going back to (over and over and over) was this:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. (I Cor 13:4-8a)

Yeah… for a while, I thought my word was going to be “loving” – but no. My word was “patient” and God gave me lots to be patient about in 2011!! And I’m not done – I’ve made great strides, but patience is something that I need to be mindful of all the time, and it will be years before I can truly count it as “fruit” in my life.

But the pursuit of a godly character is cumulative (and never-ending), and there’s not just one thing we’re supposed to be chipping away at, so I’m pressing in and seeking the next step in 2012. I’ve been hoping for something a little less stressful than “patient” – but our growth needs to be intentional and comprehensive, and so neither of the two finalists for 2012 is particularly easy. I’m still praying about which of the two to focus on…

There are a couple of things that are crystal clear: I need to simplify, to get my house in order. And I need to spend more time in consistent pursuit of creative expression than I do currently. At the moment, I still feel tired and spread too thin, and it’s hard to imagine how I’ll find the time for either. But I am coming to see clearly that a lack of simplicity in my life is slowly killing me – the maintenance of “stuff” is unbelievably time-consuming, and the poor or non-existent maintenance of stuff I know I should be taking better care of becomes the biggest stressor at all. And the energy spent in the act of creating – writing, making jewelry, taking photographs, or cooking – becomes a kind of meditation or prayer that clears my mind and energizes my spirit. It’s good, and it’s good for me, and I need more of it.

Fresh corn and potato chowder in the making... yum.

So… day 1 of the new year, and I’m pressing in, seeking God, and asking for a clearer vision for my life. No resolutions, just faith, one day at a time. Happy new year!

Well, that was awkward.

Boy, being hacked is no fun. It took me several evenings of hard work to get everything back up and reload all my photos – what a pain. I think it’s mostly done now, and I’m glad to have it behind me.

The truth, too, is that it was just one more thing in a whole long list of things I’ve been dealing with, and honestly, I’ve spent a lot of time in the last few weeks wishing I could just check out for a while. There’s something very obviously out of balance in my life and that’s turning up in every area – my house is a wreck, I have no time in the studio, the projects I’m working on for church are all getting done at the last possible minute, and things at work are starting to stack up on my desk like planes in a holding pattern over O’Hare. All of that starts to create its own pressure, and I find myself falling into bed at the end of the day exhausted, while my mind scrambles desperately to sort it all out – so instead of getting the rest I so badly need, I lie in bed and look up at the ceiling and listen to the sound of the gears grinding in my head and wonder what the heck I’m doing.

I’ve made a few sales in my Etsy shop, which is encouraging, but I’m also assuming it’s primarily because Christmas is around the corner.  And I’ve started really researching what I need to do to get this thing launched effectively, and that feels overwhelming – where is the time going to come from?

So… it took me a while to get the site back up, and it’ll take some focus and energy to squeeze time for it into my schedule over the next few weeks. Thanks for your patience!